Opposites Attract
by TehBrovakiin
Summary: Poor Cruz is trapped alone with Solva for a whole week. Can he survive? Will he find love? And where the hell is Blade?
1. Rain

**This story is for My friend Shooting Star Rider. I have not been able to work on it so I feel obligated to increase the length and make a chapter story. Paring: Cruz and Solva. Warning : certain parts contain adult humor. I do not own Needless.**

**Xxxxxxxxx**

Solva is your average girl, she texts to her friends, has a ungodly amount of stuffed animals, giggles about guys, likes chocolate, and plots to take over the world

Yeah typical 16 year old girl

Cruz is your average guy, he likes video games, he's a good cook, looks up to his older sister, and is the hired bitch to a pervert priest , his stripper friend, and Dr. Wily

They have almost nothing in common

Except for the fact that their both going to be trapped in a run down church for the next week

XXXXXXXXX

Sunday: Rain

Cruz was scared

No, he wasn't just scared, he was piss and shit himself scared, in fact he had already gone through 5 pairs of pants… make that 6

Why was he so scared? You ask. Well it was all because of a girl. Not just any girl, but a girl with silver hair, split personalities, and magnet powers. Even saying her name made him cringe. Solva

There he just did it

He was all alone with the most psychotic individual he had ever met… except for ,well, the Dante wannabe with a god complex. She made Tira look sane, And he couldn't leave the house because of the pouring rain outside

'_How Is it even raining in the fricken black spot any way_ 'he thought . he decided to check the weather channel to find out when the rain would stop and his friends would come home from…god knows where and save him

"good news folks, the rain should be over tomorrow" Cruz let out a sigh of content

"however it shall be replaced by a blizzard/hail storm, more weather threats are expected so civilians are advised to stay indoors until the week is over, in other news it seems a large amount of inter dimensional portals are…"

Cruz shut the TV off. An _entire week_ with no one but _Solva._ He made a mental note to kill that weather man, then kill Mr. priest for leaving him all alone

Mean while….

Blade sneezed _'hmm, it feels like someone wants me dead, ah well'_

He turned around and started to hump the air while singing "if you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on baby let me know" a doctor walks up to him "excuse me sir, but what are you doing to those new born baby girls" Blade smashed his forehead into the doctor's and screamed "HA, NOW I HAVE YOUR DOCTOR POWERS, SURGERY ACTIVATE" "but I'm not a surge…ACK"

A nurse ran up to Blade and said "great, now you're the only one qualified to deliver the new prince of the forest ,follow me"

_Blade's adventure shall be continued next chapter_

Back at the church…

Solva was pissed, at first she had been happy but now she was pissed

When she woke up she planned this awesome plan to **TAKE OVER THE BLACK SPOT **using an army of the most destructive creature known to man… but that was all ruined thanks to that stupid weather report, and Seto wasn't even around to talk to, only that whiney Yamada kid, well at least he was cute and she'd have a week to amass her army

XXXXXXXX

Cruz was very uncomfortable. How uncomfortable? The kind of uncomfortable that you feel from looking at Voldo too long on the character bios of any Soul Calibur game. He had been watching TV, the show about that obnoxious sponge with a hamburger fetish, when Solva comes downstairs "whatcha watchin" she asked "SpongeBob" he replied

Unexpectedly she shrieked like a little girl, launched over the back of the couch, took the remote, and turned up the volume. "let's watch it" she said and began to sing the theme song

Cruz was stuck. He didn't want to get up and leave. She might take offense and do something to him. Though she was in a good mood and pretty engrossed in the show… ah, to hell with it, he was going to do it.

"I SAID F**KING AYE AYE YOU DEAF PIECE OF S**T, CAN YOU F**KING HEAR ME NOW, MOTHER F**KER"

Or maybe not

XXXXXXXXX

After hours of watching SpongeBob, Cruz was ready to kill himself

'_damn TiVo'_ he thought

Solva had been watching the same one over and over again. Cruz now felt compelled to open a charity clinic for people with extreme chocolate obsessions that made them prone to violent rampages. Suddenly, Solva turned off the TV

"I'm bored, lets do something else". Cruz gulped at the word 'lets'. As in 'us' not just 'me'.

"W-w-what do you want to do" he asked

He nearly pissed his pants at the evil grin he got

XXXXXXXXX

"PRE PARE FOR THE ULTIMATE ASS KICKIN' YAMADA" Solva yelled as she rushed towards Cruz with a assault rifle

He tried to run away but she whipped out a pistol and shot at him. He booked it in the other direction, but found himself in a corner, his pistol forgotten. She slowly advanced on him and drew her AR. Cruz blindly shot at her, but he missed every time. She cackled with glee as she approached, until a small, round object rolled in between her and Cruz. Her eyes widened as the small flashing light on the object began to flash faster. She only had time to mutter one word

"shit"

The grenade went off. Frying not only Cruz, but her too. They both went flying into the air like rag dolls. The owner of the grenade ran over to their carcasses and tea bagged them individually before running off.

"Dammit" Solva yelled as she threw her controller to the floor "Halo sucks, the same prick keeps killing us, what's his player tag… **RockyourBriefsoff.** What the hell kind of a name is that, do you know this guy Yamada"

"Y-yeah, that's my friend Briefers Rock"

She looked at him as one might look at somebody who asked what a power saw did… in a furniture store

"Briefers" she asked

"Y-yeah, but he never plays this aggressive, it must be that girlfriend of his, Stocking, she's probably on another sugar induced rampage"

"whatever man, I'd love to hear about your idiotically named friends but I've got things to do"

Solva stomped away into the kitchen and Cruz scrambled into his room

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Solva mentally kicked her self for letting herself get distracted from amassing her army. She began to get to work opening a secret compartment in the wall and pulling out several large sacks and vials of various ingredients. She pulled out a old recipe book and flipped to a marked page she took out a large pot and began to heat it on the stove. She turned back to the book when she felt a odd sensation on the top of her head she looked up only to be hit in the eye with a drop of water

"YAMADA" she screamed

Cruz rushed down stairs and presented himself to Solva

"what's wrong"

"THE F**KING ROOF IS LEAKING"

"I figured this would happen, considering Gido is to cheap to renovate the church"

"I DON'T CARE, FIX IT NOW"

"but it's danger…"

"NOW"

She dragged him over to the door and punted him upwards onto the roof followed by a bottle of water proof roof sealant. He began to army crawl towards the direction of the kitchen to avoid slipping. Until a loose shingle flew up and hit him in the face. He shook it off and kept crawling. When he got to the leak area he took a few minutes to search for the leak. He heard Solva scream

"WHAT THE HELL IS TAKING SO LONG" and resisted the urge to answer back in away that would offend many people in Scotland.

'_How the hell am I supposed to find it with all this fricken rain spraying all over the place, man I knew I shouldn't have grown my hair like this, good for the 1__st__ opening, but bad for deadly situations where sight is key, and not to mention my embarrassing condition' _ he thought

Eventually he found it and fixed it, he crawled over to the chimney and stood up. He was going to climb down the chimney and enter through the back door so he could sneak into his room and avoid Solva's bitchiness. However another shingle hit him in the face and he slipped, performing a split on the crease of the roof and crushing his Joy Factory. He muttered out in a voice that would make Alvin the chipmunk tell him to lay off the helium three words "damn…you…Gido" and slid off the roof busting his knees on the hard wasteland ground "OW…MY KNEES…I CAN'T FEEL MY F**KING LEGS…HELP ME"

Solva waited until the screams of pain died down before going outside with a umbrella and dragging Cruz back inside

"took you long enough" she said

Cruz looked very uncomfortable…and wet

"what's wrong"

He began to blush

"M-my skin condition"

"what"

"my skin is super delicate. S-so it chaps easily"

Solva said nothing. Cruz expected her to burst out laughing but was surprised when she reached into her dress pocket and pulled out a small tube with a man in camouflage and a shock of wild red hair printed on it. It said "Saratobi Sasuake's recommended skin lotion, for all those 'dammit, now I'm all wet' moments. Warning: do not apply during battles with samurai that wield six swords, giant swords/anchors/drills, or wield any kind of weapon whatsoever(including fists)"

She held the tube out to him and said "this is the kind I use"

He took the bottle, their hands brushing together

"now get out of here before I puke"

He went back to his room, a small smile gracing his lips thinking

'_wow Solva has the same condition as me, maybe she isn't as bad as I thought'_

He was pulled from his thoughts by loud cursing downstairs

'_then again…'_

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**I hope you enjoyed. Once again this story is made for Shooting Star Rider, I'm sorry this is so late but chapter 2 will come soon. I do take requests so feel free to ask.**

**P. S if you don't get the lotion joke, it's from Sengoku Basara 3 in flooding Ueda castle(Yukimura's stage) if you open the final water gate Sasuake's clones get washed away and he complains about getting wet and how 'it will chap his delicate skin'**

**Shroom signing out **


	2. Snow

Cruz let out a sigh of relief. Many months ago, a crazed writer had forced him and Solva to be trapped in the church by a horrible rainstorm. He forced them to try and fall in love with one another, and sent Blade on a series of adventures so he couldn't save them. He had only managed to hold them for a day until he was apprehended by people he called "Feds". After a long battle they hauled him off to places unknown. Where surely he wouldn't write fanfiction _eveeeer_ again.

Just then Cruz heard a knock at the door. He got up to get the door calling "Who is it". suddenly the door was blasted off the hinges, throwing Cruz backwards and calling the others out.

Several people stepped through the new hole in the wall. One of them grinned and answered in a voice that chilled Cruz to the bone.

"It-sa me, Mario"

"No" Cruz wailed "It can't be, not you, not _**8-Bit Shroom**_"

Hillard cackled like a maniac for a bit before replying "Oh Yama-tan, how I've missed your whining, but you must get with the times, they call me TehBrovakiin now. Now I hope y'all don't have anything planned in the near future, we need to work overtime to finish up with 'Opposites Attract'"

"NEVER" screamed Setsuna as the pretty girl squad attacked.

Hillard sighed "Never gonna change ,huh" he lamented "Oh well, Deadpool, Deathstroke, intercept"

The other two men rushed forward to stop the girls, but Mio slipped by and charged with her doll, she prepared to bash the twisted authors head in but found herself blocked by a sudden force

"Uh-oh" Hillard said "looks like you forgot about Soul Edge" he pushed back and knocked her on the ground. He then snapped his fingers causing snow to fall outside. Cruz looked around and the only people left were him and Solva.

"**I apologize to Shooting Star Rider, for being so late. I promise to finish it soon, and will also have the complete tales of what I was up to during my hiatus. I do not own NEEDLESS**" Hillard said. Cruz lowered his head in defeat, it was happening all over again. He looked up and saw the most peculiar sight. Was that a yellow _Pegasus_? It tugged on Hillard and shot him a look "Oh right, Deadpool, take a note" he ordered "Dear princess Celestia, today I learned...uhhh...hmmm...gah. Dafuq did I learn?"

**BACK IN BLACK**

**Monday: Snow**

Cruz watched the snow fall as he stared out the window, thinking about Solva. His balls and legs still hurt from yesterdays episode, but at least his skin was fine.

'How is it even snowing in the Black Spot. Rain I can get, but snow, come on now TehBrovakiin, get-'

Shut up Cruz.

Cruz got up and went down stairs. He began his daily duties of all the bitch work in the house. Solva had locked herself in the kitchen doing _God knows what._ he wondered how Mr. Priest was.

The nurse rushed Blade down the hallway. She slammed the door open and suddenly they were in a _Forest clearing!_ A deer was in the center surrounded by other animals. Her belly was bloated with her baby. Blade got down on his knees next to her "push" he commanded her.

She did so and out came a baby fawn. Blade looked upon the creature, the being so beautiful and full of inno-

The fawn got up started to dance singing "never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down" made a face only to be described as that of a troll, and promptly exploded. Blade, the nurse, and all of the animals sat there in disbelief.

Suddenly four rappel lines fell from the sky an four soldiers in odd armor came down. they pulled out assault rifles and shot down everything in the clearing. after they were done the leader approached Blade.

"I am Carter, and this is Noble team" He said "We need your help".

Cruz was dusting the confessional when he heard crying in the chapel. He exited the booth and saw Solva curled up in one of the pews, sobbing.

_'My God_' he thought _'She actually _is_ capable of human emotion_'

He walked up to her and sat down. To his utter surprise she did fuck him up worse than Red Sox's current season. She wrapped her arms around him and began to sob into his less than masculine chest. He blushed a little before asking "What's wrong?"

She looked up at him and replied chokingly "I-I just f-finished up something in the kitchen, when I got a p-phone from S-S-Seto," she sniffed "She was on a date in Osaka, she w-was worried about me, t-t-then I heard her new boyfriend" she stopped and began sobbing some more "I-it was...it was one of my old boyfriends. He always treated me terribly. H-he hit me and c-called me names. O-once he even..." she broke down again. Cruz held her tighter, slowly growing enraged. She started up again "He's the reason I developed my other personality. That was also when I discovered my powers. I kept them hidden and when he came after me with a knife I-I-I used them to-to...I thought he was dead. I tried to warn Seto, bu-but I was so _scared_"

Cruz was slightly surprised, _Solva_ was actually scared of something, this guy must have been a monster.

"A few minutes after she hung up, she called again. O-only it wasn't her it was-it was..._Him_" she spat with venom "He told me that if I messed this up for him there would be hell to pay. He also said I should expect a visit very soon to take back what was his. I should have told Seto, I'm such a horrible, ugly, worthless person. just like he always said" she finished, breaking down once more. Cruz began to rock her back and forth "No you're not" he said "You're one of the most terrific, beautiful, helpful girls I've ever met. Seto is a big girl, she can take care of herself, she'll be fine. If this guy does try to come back for you none of us are gonna let him lay a finger on your head. What he did to you was terrible, but we're gonna keep you safe, _I'm_ gonna keep you safe" he finished.

Solva looked deep into his eyes and saw the sincerity of them, she never noticed how pretty they were either. She kept looking into them and without thinking she grabbed Cruz and slammed her mouth into his. Cruz's eyes widened and he was too stunned to kiss back, even though he really, really, _really_ wanted to.

After several minutes she broke the kiss and stared at him. she opened her lovely mouth to speak to him in that angelic voice

"DON'T JUST SIT THERE' she screamed "THIS PLACE IS A MESS, FINISH CLEANING"

Cruz scuttled off in a panic

Solva walked down the hall, a lock of green hair clutched in her fist, she never thought she'd get the final component to summon her army like that, but beggars can't be choosers.

Cruz walked by her trying not to make eye contact.

"CRUZ!" she ordered sharply. He turned and looked at her in fear

"yes"

"Good job on your chores today," she said, surprising him. She then turned to face him a small smile on her face "And thanks for what you said, it meant a lot to me, goodnight."

"G-goodnight." he muttered, and slipped into his room. Was Solva _giggling_!

Solva entered her room and put the hair on her dresser, she would use it tomorrow. She laid down on her bed still plotting world domination

Cruz kept on trying to sort out his feelings

TehBrovakiin kept typing

and the snow kept falling

**I'm back every one.**

**I'm back to finish what I started and start some more. **

**I have big things planned for the future that will come to fruition soon **

**Keep on the lookout for my new story called 'Hiatus' which will explain where I've been, what happened, and why I'm writing friendship reports to Princess Celestia.**

**See y'all soon**

**-TehBrovakiin, formerly 8-Bit Shroom**

**SHOOP DA WHOOP **


	3. Sleet

**Hello again all.**

**I've decided to grace you with another chapter of my amazing and defiantly not poorly written story.**

**Thisisatransition**

**Tuesday: Sleet**

Solva grinned wickedly at the boiling pot. From this pot her army would be born. Sleet pounded at the windows as she added the ingredients.

12 grams of void salts

3 cups of effluvial grime

1 quart of alsasalsafrasafru

A pinch of pure evil

And...

Solva's grin grew as she sprinkled in the neon green hair follicles

A lock of whiny shounen virgin hair.

All she needed to do was wait.

Thisisatransition

Cruz lay in bed pondering about his current situation. He was fearing for his state of mental health. His kiss with Solva felt good. Too good. He felt like he wanted that moment to repeat over and over again. He knew what this meant and didn't want to admit it. He had fallen in love with Solva.

"What the hell TehBrovakiin, I didn't want to admit that!"

Fuck you Cruz

Cruz sighed and rolled over. He couldn't help but wonder 'what would Mr. Priest do'

Thisisatransition

Blade looked around at his new erm... Friends? The so called Noble team. It consisted of five members. There was Carter, the leader, he seemed like the type of man who would suicide bomb the enemy in order to complete the mission. Then there was Jorge, the heavy weapons guy, he seemed like the kind to go down with the ship. After him was Emile, the badass, the kind of manly man you had to stab in the back to kill. Then came Kat, the techie, she seemed like she could go down rather quickly. Blade paid little attention to her as he wasn't in to girls that were actually legal. Then there was Six. No, literally, the only guy left was named Six. Poor sod.

"Actually my name is-"

"Shut up Six, I'm trying to brief Blade here."

Six shut up to brood over his two lines of dialogue in a 4-6 hour game while Carter explained to Blade the mission

Which the author is too lazy to explain

They soon arrived at their destination

The Evil Fortress of Evil Badness.

Blade put on his awesome glasses that make even Kamina seem less cool

"Let's take some ass, and kick some names. Yes I said that correctly."

Thisisatransition

Cruz sat up and flicked on his laptop. He thought his friends could help.

And I wanted an excuse for crossovers.

**Cruzin4abrusin (Cruz) logged on**

**Rockyourbriefsoff (Briefers Rock) joined**

**Mapleandhockey (Canada) joined**

**Wolfestien (Layfon Alseif) joined**

**Heavenpiercingdrill (Simon) joined**

**SgtSagura (Souske Sagura) joined**

**Cronaandtherok (Crona and Ragnarok) joined**

**Shinjidaman (Shinji Ikari) joined**

**Asexualandproud (Ichika Orimura) joined**

**Cruzin4abrusin: hey guys. I got a problem**

**Heavenpiercingdrill: A PROBLEM! HAH, IF A PROBLEM BECOMES A WALL IN YOUR PATH JUST DIG STRAIGHT THROUGH IT!**

**Shinjidaman: you don't even know what his problem is yet, idiot**

**SgtSagura: agreed. If we do not know the specifics, how will we know which ordinance to use?**

**Wolfestein: Souske, not all problems are solved with guns**

**SgtSagura: I know, some are solved with grenades**

**Cronaandtherok: I don't know how to handle problems**

**Cronaandtherok:jfjfjjdjdjdjskakdjfhf plus I'm a big stupid baby who cries all the time because the frog bitch won't love me.**

**Asexualandproud: Ragnarok knock it off, give Crona the keyboard back**

**Rockyourbriefsoff: what's the problem man**

**Mapleandhockey: we're here to help *fully knows how useless that help is with these clowns***

**Cruzin4abrusin: remember that girl Solva I told you about**

**Shinjidaman: you mean crazy bipolar magnet bitch**

**Heavenpiercingdrill: IS SHE GIVING YOU TROUBLE? IT COULD BE WORSE! AT LEAST YOU AREN'T TRAPPED ALONE WITH HER FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK! HAHAHAHAHA**

**Cruzin4abrusin: um**

**Wolfestein: you poor bastard**

**Heavenpiercingdrill: WELL, AT LEAST SHE DIDN'T KISS YOU AFTER YOU COMFORTED HER AND TOLD HER YOU WOULD ALWAYS PROTECT HER AND NOW YOU FIND YOURSELF FALLING FOR HER! HAHAHAHAHA **

**Cruzin4abrusin: ummmmmm**

**Wolfestien: correction. You poor****_ stupid_**** bastard**

**SgtSagura: I suggest the .45 caliber for this mission**

**Mapleandhockey: guys we should be happy for him he's in lo-**

**Mapleandhockey: wait. SOLVA?! Oh, your f** ked man**

**Rockyourbriefsoff: damn boy. But I'm still happy for you**

**Asexualandproud: but what about ****_you know who_**

Cruz paled. How could he forget about _her_.

Kunanashi. The silent scent powered girl had a deep obsession with him. At first Cruz thought it was rather cute how flustered she would get around him, but it slowly spiraled down into a near stalker like obsession. He wouldn't deny his initial attraction to the girl, but that ended as soon as his used under wear started disappearing.

**Cronaandtherok: I don't know how to handle love triangles**

**Cronaandtherok: your fucked kid. All the candy in the world wouldn't convince me to trade place with you.**

**Cronaandtherok logged off**

**SgtSagura: I recommend the AR-16 for this situation **

**Shinjidaman: strangely enough, I think Souske's right. I need to go now Asuka wants to use the compu- **

**Shinjidaman logged off**

**SgtSagura: I must depart now too. The captain wishes for me to partake in an extremely important mission. Though I must question why she asked me to bring such a surplus amount of those emergency water containers... And for me to be naked**

**SgtSagura logged off**

**Asexualandproud: damn, even I'm not THAT dense. I need to leave too, Laura wants me to look at some new outfit of hers. I have no idea why she only wants me though... Or what it has to do with the medication she's been taking every- maybe I am that dense.**

**Asexualandproud logged off**

**Wolfestein: what happened to Simon**

**Heavenpiercingdrill: fhgfghdsorry yoko andfdgdh nia came into wmyroom andvdhjfvjkdfhdhjfdbhuidfghu fdhgidfhguidfghifdhhvjhgjfgk fghkfjhgkjfhg.,,,,,,,,,,**

**Heavenpiercingdrill logged off**

**Rockyourbriefsoff: 0_o**

**Mapleandhockey: oh my**

**Wolfestien: is he- oh GOD DAMMIT. EVEN HE GETS MORE THAN ME. WHY IS IT THAT I GET KICKED AROUND BY SOMEONE HALF MY SIZE AND I DON'T EVEN GET APOLOGY SEX, YET THOSE OBLIVIOUS BASTARDS GET ASS LIKE F**KING CANDY BARS. Fuck. I'm going to get drunk and masterbate. **

**Wolfestien logged off**

**Rockyourbriefsoff: I just got a call. Seems that girl of mine got another sugar high and I need to drive her home before half of Danten is burnt to the ground. Good luck man**

**Rockyourbriefsoff logged off**

**Mapleandhockey: today was a disturbing day. I'm going to leave now and pretend none of the past 5 messages after Brief's ever happened. Don't worry, I'm sure everything will work out with you and this girl.**

**Mapleandhockey logged off**

Cruz sighed and shut his laptop. That was pointless. He knew his friends cared, but they always behaved like they were in a poorly written fanfiction. He hoped Matt was right and that everything would work out with Solva.

He was surprised when Solva burst through his door. Her clothes were ripped and she was bleeding from several places. He was by her in an instant.

She looked up at him and he saw something in her eyes he never thought he would ever see. Fear

"Cruz" she whispered "we're fucked" and passed out.

Cruz slowly looked up at his door way and his eyes widened. Staring back at him was...

One of the most evilest creatures known to man.

**Thisistheendofthechapter**

**Yes. Make all the cameos.**

**Can you count the crossovers and all the pairings I ship**

**If you name all 8 in this chapter you will win TEH INTERNETS**

**All the parts that haven't been won by me already**

**But feel free to make requests and comments.**

**And remember...**

**Alsasalsafrasafru**


End file.
